In 2017 I shared an article on Pair-Coaching. In it, I shared some ideas & experiences around pair-coaching. 

Now in 2020, I’ve had a bit more experience doing it. Not as much as I’d like, but more experience. 

This article is inspired by an Agile Moose Herd conversation we had around the idea of – what would an apprenticeship program look like for coaching? And the notion of pair-coaching came up as a part of that activity. As would doing Dojo-based coaching simulations.

Questions from the Herd…

Do you have to work in pairs all the time?

Of course not. I think that’s probably the equivalent of mandatory pair-programming for every line of code. It simply doesn’t make sense.

In fact, there are some days when I’m “pair-coaching” where I/we don’t pair at all from a client coaching perspective. That being said, we do pair to prepare for coaching, debrief coaching, and strategize for upcoming coaching.

What are some of the “dynamics” of pairing?

There are a couple of things that come to my mind…

First, who will take the “lead coaching role” needs to be established before the pair engages in each direct coaching situation. The lead then does exactly that…lead or drive. They are the coaching voice for the coaching session.

The non-lead coach needs to be comfortable stepping back. You might ask, well, what do they do? Here’s a list of some of their responsibilities:

  • Actively listen to all channels of the conversations. Paying particular attention to the emotional field.

  • Take detailed flow notes

  • Ask permission to interrupt with:

    • An observation

    • A suggestion

    • A different approach

    • Something important that was/is being missed

    • Suggesting a “pause” or a “flip” of coaching roles

  • Observe: the client(s), the coach, and the 3’rd Entity (the system)

  • Prepare to provide feedback to the lead coach after the coaching session(s)

    • The feedback could be verbal;

    • Or preferably a Dojo session where you both roleplay a different approach or strategy or tack for the coaching

You can easily see that both roles can be fairly active in their own right.

Second, there is a “strategy part” to coaching that pairing can really help with. It starts with your coaching (vision, mission, expectations, contract, agreement & plan, and goals).

In this case, as a pair you “divide & conquer” together. This often takes the form of goal-setting and checking in with others several times each day. Discussing your individual and paired coaching plans and adjusting as necessary towards the client’s goals.

These check-ins or synch-points provide wonderful value for the pair.

And finally, it’s incredibly important that the two coaches are aligned in principle. Not in style or approach, but in principles. Nothing confuses your coaching clients more than being told “different things” by a pair of coaches.

The best way to align quickly is to establish a pair-coaching agreement before engaging as a pair. In it, you’ll establish guidelines and principles for your coaching relationship. Part of this should be the “rules of engagement” while coaching, which includes things like role definitions, establishing shared guidelines, sharing strengths & weaknesses and comfort zones, and practicing a bit via Dojo’s so that you’re comfortable with each other. 

I’ve created a pair-coaching canvas that you might find useful in establishing pair-coaching relationships. You can find it here and a bit of guidance here. I’d love feedback on its usefulness.

Is it always one “junior” coach and one “senior” coach?

Of course not.

But pair-coaching can be a wonderful way to mentor and co-train an inexperienced or entry-level coach.

I’ve found, and I think your pair entry mindset should be, that both coaches in the pair will learn and grow as a result of the experience. My own experience is, and I think this might sound a bit selfish, that I often learn much more than the more inexperienced coach. It’s one of the reasons I’m so bullish on pair-coaching.

How do you “sell it” to your clients?

Isn’t it more expensive?

I’m not sure you do and I don’t think so.

Instead of selling it or treating it as an exception of some sort, I’ve had more success presenting it as the way we coach.

It helps to present your coaching strategy as multi-tiered across teams, management, and senior leadership. In that way, your pairs can effectively cross these boundaries as necessary and coach any layer of the organization.

And while, yes, you’re paying for two coaches, I believe you’re getting an impact far greater than the sum of the coaches. Of course, your client will have to see that, so work hard to point to the value proposition as it emerges.

And remember, this is not tag-team coaching where the coaches stay together 100% of the time. Each is independently having an impact.

What if I like “Lone Wolf” coaching?

That’s fine.

What I’d recommend is that you open your mind up a bit and simply give pair-coaching a try. Run an experiment if you will.

You might find that you like it. And you might find that it makes the coaching easier for both of you AND more effective for your clients.

And if you don’t like it, well, go back to being the Wolf ;-)

How does the feedback work in the pair?

One of the great things about working in pairs is the opportunity it gives both of you to hone your feedback skills. That is…to each other. 

My experience is that there are a couple of gaps in most coaches skill-sets:

  1. Being too nice in giving their feedback (culture, how you were raised, fear, etc.). In other words, we sort of suck at these things. Nearly, regardless of how much experience we have. So, think of Radical Candor opportunities.

  2. And second, nearly all of us have blind spots. Think Johari Window. And one of the best ways to reduce your blind spots is by gaining honest, courageous, clear feedback from your colleagues.

But a key here, and it goes back to the pair’s coaching agreement, is being coachable. And to be honest, not all of us are.

There another side benefit to this. If we gain skill in providing this sort of challenging feedback to each other, we also acquire the skill to begin giving it to our clients.

Is your commitment to a coaching partner (pair) for life?

I sure hope not.

But seriously, I think it depends on your engagement situation. 

I’ve been one of two coaches engaged with a client for 3-6 months and we paired continuously. So, in that context, we were a permanent pair.

I’ve also been in a situation where I don’t physically pair with my partner at all. I literally serve as their sounding board for coaching and we virtually synch-up several times a day as it makes sense. I think of this as more of a mentoring or apprenticeship relationship. One key to making this work is the relationship established between the coaches and the safety to ask for help when required.

And keep in mind that NOT everyone is a good pairing partner! So, don’t feel bad if you find it doesn’t always work out.

Do you even have to physically coach together?

Keying off what I said above, No.

Think mentor coaching or coaching the coach relationship. I actually spend quite a bit of time doing this sort of pairing where I’m coaching the coach in their situations. Sometimes we’ll explore tools, tactics, and techniques that they might want to use in a specific coaching situation.

Other times, we’ll role-play and run some Dojo’s so that they gain some experiential confidence for an upcoming coaching conversation. And still others, I’ll share some reading or references for them to review to develop some new skills.

Wrapping Up

I hope you found the questions and answers to be helpful in illustrating what paired agile coaching might look like. I don’t think this important topic gets the discussion and real-world practice it deserves.

There’s a young man from Berlin Germany who I met at the Agile 2018 conference. His name is Gerrit Lutter and he presented an experiential talk focused on Pair-Coaching.

Since then, he’s published a wonderful set of articles as well. You can find them here—

Hopefully, I’ve inspired you to pair a bit more with your coaching!

Stay agile my friends,

Bob.

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